I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize