i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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