I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
