I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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