I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
