Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
