I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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