too bad you live with your parents still
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
