I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
