ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
