u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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