he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
