I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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