I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
