you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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