Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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