But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
