Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
