I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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