I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
