Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
