Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
