Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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