He passed out mid-signature
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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