literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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