I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
