Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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