I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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