I want you more than these girls want KFC
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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