Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
