WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
