TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
