Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
