my phone needs a breathalizer
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize