So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
