Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
