Ketchup is God's man juice
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
