the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
