Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
