I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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