she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
