he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
