just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
