Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
