That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
