Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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