Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just googled if crying burns calories
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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