You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The air was thick with penises
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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