That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
