So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
