Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
