the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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