Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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