and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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