I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
