do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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