it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
