i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
