Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
