I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So many bounce houses so little time
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
