Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
