How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
