Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
