i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
