I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
