i think my tv is drunk
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
