Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
