you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
